When I seem to say goodbye To my weary life You could hush me back in I'll be by your side
Our rock bottom will have a tiny room Where both of us can sing A blue of you and me Blues of our cut of wing
But maybe I'm in my head To think of such things When you hit the rock bottom You start to love nothing
Because when I am at the bottom I see those million stars Among them you are too, love Right where I left my heart
I have this gigantic window in my room, I sit by it and stargaze, sip water like wine, It costs a dime to imagine and ohh, have I collected pennies, I can’t not write poems, I bleed them past nine.
Some I can’t share with you, they are grave! So I sip my wine again to conjure something bright, A poem about moon and my gigantic window, Something for you, me and moon’s delight.
But I can’t seem to stop bleeding black tonight, Moon! There is this memory that keeps knocking on my window, I’m drunk on my wine, I’m singing songs aloud, But the knocking doesn’t go slow.
I’ll open my gigantic window, I’m a man, I break no promise, but this ship has sunk, And Moon! If I only tell you, I’m sure it’s fine, You can forget and ignore me because I’m drunk.
This fairy tale is years old, I forced a friend in a game of tongues, We spoke our secrets and we blurred our youth, I wish some questions I’d kept in my lungs.
The princess slurred her speech, I, a fool, She confided in me her secrets, I was shocked and ashamed at humanity, For months I sank in regret.
Her secret became her lie, For years her chest housed it, Her body shivered with every word, With every sentence she doubted.
I’ll close these gigantic windows, I’ve kept my promise you know, They will ignore me like they did you, You told them sober, I’m drunk though.
Oh Moon! Look, the bleeding stopped, but I do feel pain, But my voices are mine, they can’t harm her, Palaces aren’t always guarded, And I regret I was no knight in shiny armour.
My eyelids feel so heavy in your light, Moon, Or maybe I’m just too drunk by my gigantic window, Moon, make her eyes heavy too, For some sweet dreams by some gigantic window.
Dear friend, I wish I could undo, But I know not of you— Your likes or dislikes, Your pain undue.
I will—if I do? If my actions hurt you, If I am a disappointment, Or do what won’t suit you.
But I hope you understand: I am but a silly man. I know not of the future, Nor the bigger plan.
Regret should not be, though. You know I’m all for you. You are the future me, And I am past you.
I know the moon tonight Like I knew him yesterday I sing him songs of me He listens in his quiet way
The clouds are so jealous They took my moon away
Who am I but a man I ask my window to pray They know me and the moon Maybe they have the sway
But the clouds are so pretty They took my moon away
My window consoles my walls And my walls have ears today My walls could not bear How gloomy is my day
I pray for clear sky They took my moon away
I ran toward my moon I blurred my loudest hey I tried and tried and tired My moon just ran away
I talk to my walls and windows They promised me to stay But maybe they can’t leave Or they would leave today
I wish on you a million stars A tiny moon I’ll be I’ll steal the warm you give Arm apart I’m happy
I wish on you a thousand sea A tiny pond I’ll be I’ll wait for your embrace In my own sanctuary
I wish on you a hundred trees A tiny grass I’ll be Beneath the blue birdy sky I’ll make my greenery
I wish on you ten colors And white I’ll be I’ll turn whatever you are In the palette of me
I wish I wish I wish So many are done I wish I wish I wish I wish for but one
I am asleep, please don’t wake me up Don’t you dare knock at the door There is blood by the doorstep And I’ll spill it once more
I had a dream by my ribs And now my spine is gone I need a doctor to fix me Could you spare me a loan
I don’t ask much of you But I seem like I do I am a dead man walking I wish you never knew
So I’ll stitch my chest shut I’ll use this tape on me Who needs a doctor or a dream When I can do it for free
I had a dream, I had a dream Woke from a nightmare I have a dream, I have a dream
Some days I wish I could rip my face off See my true self beneath the skin The eyes, the muscle and the bones Maybe then my shadows might feel true to me
I would run with the blisters on my feet Gasp all the poisonous air of my presence My heel and the pavement hitting each other Till I outrun my reflection someday
And when I am all bones and not my skin I can’t judge or be judged, I’ll lay on my spine I’ll position my eyes with my hands towards the sky And stare at the eclipse this world warned me against
When my eyes sear red and I’ve lost my vision I would truly appreciate how pretty this world is I will pick myself up and rest it against the mango tree Besides the river where I’ll enjoy the petrichor
And if we talks, we know we’re talking to each other Not our shadow that I oh so hate And if I meet someone with a ripped face too I would know they have a heart in the right place
He dusted this bookshelf where he kept his memories There’s a couple of colour books and some pictures There are diaries with hearts on them Some which have dried rose and glitters
You could peek in those shelves There are books that he is even scared to say Some that bleed more than they read So he opens the one from the back of his younger day
One reads about the wish for hill stations One where he wanted to call her One where he wanted to start a shop One where he’d be a farmer
These books now have torn pages Like he wanted to scribble over words and paint a new say Some hurt much more some hurt much less You try to rewrite the past if past hurts you, eh?
He had reasons, not that he didn’t He knew well then, things he didn’t have nor could borrow Last page read: an avocado that wasn’t ripe today but will be too ripe tomorrow
If I could breath one more breath Under that lilac sky I’d share with you my life My first love, laugh or cry
So when I look into your brown eyes Your lips they talk of you So I talk about weather Our favourite game or your favourite tune
Sometimes the winds get cold And your lips are silent shut My heart is heavy from all those nights We talked about not me but
I find a glimmer of solace And hope that you might care I blur some of my secrets Till you say, I overshare.
So I tighten the lid this time With a wet cloth on top I scribble your name on my wrist And remember to always stop
Till one day I find another’s eyes Those lips they talk of same I talk weather, sports and news To the point I scribble again
The stars they seem friendly My heart says they care But my wrist is filled with names So I can’t speak or overshare
It doesn’t quiet down, I’ve been sitting for hours, There are screams in my head, And questions I can’t answer, Neither can they, those who call themself yours.
Am I sinning? Am I a fool? Yes I sin! I stand - I sin, I sit - I sin, I sin because I question? That’s not how a king should rule!
But I’m a believer, I believe, I strip myself to my core, And leave my heart open for you, To take whatever you want, whatever I bleed.
I do, I do because when earth envelops my love, And I stand with my melting eye, I want to believe and whisper under my lips to eyes, Until we meet again above.
I do, I do for when knuckles are bruised, And my red painted walls start screaming silence, When your believers turn their shoulders on your soldier, I know I can stop the bleeding with the rosary I use.
I do, I do for when my clock slows down, The spoon starts to shake, And their names are in my heart but not the tongue, The silence of the void has your glimmer on.
I quiet down that blasphemous symphony, Till the screams become doubts again, I’ll leave it to another day where I’ll sit again, But today, today I believe!
I remember the last day I wanted to kill myself It was a sunny day with a pleasant view I was alone with my favourite music on Standing tall below the blue hue
You say, it’s selfish to think that way It’s disrespectful and inconsiderate Oh love, I wish I could explain My heart refused to consider it
This was not the first time you know The rooftop at thirteen Or the chokehold at seventeen It’s wasn’t a new drill, it’s was just me
This time felt different This note was heavy I didn’t care for this world Be you or even my family
You know, it’s funny how life is You love them when they are gone So I bled my thoughts, I loved them most A note for when, they are alone
How dare you call me selfish? Let my body get cold Hey, I just killed myself Don’t lie, we weren’t friend or foe
Well, I didn’t yet kill myself I did a thousand times though You see I lived a million lives In that moment alone
I stood by the window sill Killing myself mercilessly With each blow, every jump I, just felt free
I killed and killed and killed Till I couldn’t no more I stood there silently, stared into the abyss My mind felt numb, my heart no remorse
It was oh so so different I wish I could explain Earlier trailed from anger This one trailed from pain
I did, I had enough this time I knew not for what though What made it scary—I was calm I was poised yet I wanted to go
I kept changing the music As if to listen it all This was my last day Astute, I made a call
I lived more that day than I ever had I wanted to take it all I loved that day with no expectations I smiled, I gave, I laughed, I got up, I knew I’ll fall
It’s sounds foolish, almost comical to say The broken parts, the heart, the brain That waited for an angel to heal Healed when I wanted to kill again
So I rushed by the window sill Where I killed millions of me I picked each body with my own hand Apologising to all, apologising to me
Oh you, oh love, look at your heart And oh me, oh love, what happened to you love Oh we, oh us, where is your gut I cried for everyone, less than but enough
Some had their ego shattered Some had a broken heart Some had pent up anger Some just fell apart
I shrouded each with all I could Forgave those that did to it I built a grave where then I sat Among all the dead that hit
I have looked forward to life since then I learned to love all and myself I have not thought about it since then but I remember the last day I wanted to kill myself
Oh how I wish we never met You never smiled, I never felt I never saw your tiny hands Or never heard you speak or stand
It felt so warm in my belly I’ve smiled for hours straight I hate these butterflies I hate my smiling face
I can say how you are but As if the world already knows not But I could write a mile About a stranger’s smile
Most faces are just faces Some stranger I wish I knew I dreamt you being a stranger to me Oh how I wish I wasn’t one to you
I wish I never met you I wish I never saw I wish you out of my memory I can’t help but wish you into my arms
I wish the colours didn’t change their hue I wish I could stop smiling I wish I could sleep now I can’t help but wish you now
I wish to be away I wish our paths don’t cross I wish I never see you but I can’t help but look for you around
I’ve been wishing my destruction Just to wish you away What if I wished you Would everything be ok?
You and me are stranger Never touched or spoken I’ve never told a soul but wishing fairy All I could muster was to whisper to dear diary
I wish I never met I wish I never saw I pray that’s how you felt When I wish this stranger goodbye
I have a couple years on me And a couple left to live A couple yet to be And a couple hugs to give
Stars, they don’t shine that way To start those stardom play The star I wanna be and say The stars they have misery
The grass is greener on that side I wish to go back Where I seek and you hide And pick me on your back
I loved some and some did back I left most and none come back I owe you all my thank Hope collides someday these track
I’ve thought and thought and think I’ve made my sorrow sink Where hope you hold on brink And kill those pesky thing
I dreamt of you and you were me My other complete half I’m scared to say I wished for me An ocean for our separate raft
You see I have a lot to ask And very little to give I earn, I greed, I cheat, I was And I am a scared thief